Parenting is hard work! I wouldn't exactly know seeing as I am nineteen, not married, and do not have a child, but I have babysat. Although I love playing and watching little kids, after an evening of babysitting I need a full day recovery. The amount of attention, work and care that goes into raising a child is insane. I remember one time when I was about sixteen and I was asked to watch three kids for the evening. There was a little boy who was 6, a little girl who was 4, and a baby girl. They were the most energized little children I have ever met. No matter how long I let them run around outside playing games they never seemed to get tired enough to calm down. It was a struggle getting them ready for bed and what was even harder was making sure they stayed in bed. By the time I finally got the two oldest to bed, as luck would have it, the youngest then awoke. As you would figure I was exhausted by the end of the night. The struggles I seemed to have with these children most parents have similar problems through their whole child's life.
From birth to death all the parent is hoping for is to do a good enough job so that their kid will succeed in life's daily challenges. From teaching their child to read to teaching them how to change oil in a car. Parents are preparing their kids for the future up ahead. So to help out those of you parents struggling with your children or those preparing to have kids I would like to share some knowledge that I have acquired.
Taught by Dr. Popkin, children need contact and belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. Without receiving these skills they may take unnecessary risks in order to feel a challenge or they may seek for revenge for the lack of protection the felt they were obligated to enjoy. They may also seek constant attention in unprecedented ways because they did not receive the contact they desperately needed. But there are easy ways as parents, you can makes sure they receive these needs. All it takes is a little bit of practice.
In order to assure that you child feels contact and also that they belong is simply being affectionate. This shows them that the are loved. If wanting to make them feel as though they belong in the family, let them contribute to the family. This consists of things, such as, washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, picking up the living room, and so on. If the child participates in family chores then they feel like they deserve to be there and they feel like they belong. It was always enjoyable to watch my little niece help me out in the kitchen. I would wash the dishes and she would help me dry them. Though I was terrified she might break one of the dishes, you could see how excited she was to tell her mom and dad that she was able to contribute.
As kids start to grow up they learn that they have the power, as in they have choices. Most parents get the excessive amount of no's from their little kids. This is because they just found out they have the power to make their own choices. Though this is good to learn make sure that they also understand the consequences of their choices, the responsibility that comes with the power. In order to protect your kids, you need to make sure to teach them how to be assertive. Teaching them this skill will allow them to stand up for themselves in the future when you are no longer there to protect them. As much as you want to always protect your child, they need to learn how to protect themselves.
The last to needs being withdrawal and challenge can be easily taught. Withdrawal is learned by showing children that they are allowed to take breaks. Taking a break and then continuing to work on the project at hand helps them to persevere and not become overly stressed with what needs to be done. Everyone loves to challenge themselves. That is why we further our education or take on new activities. In order to make sure that you kid meets their need for challenge in a safe way, allow them to be apart of new activities or teach them new skills daily.
Each child is different and complex. As a parent, you each know your child best and know the best was to implement the skills they need in order to help them succeed in live. I wish you the best in your parenting endeavors.
Friday, July 13, 2018
Saturday, July 7, 2018
Fathers are Important
This week I would like to focus in on Fathers in the home and their importance. I recently read an article of the benefits of fathers in which I would like to share some of the insights I learned. If you want to read the full article I will post the link at the bottom.
Number 1. There is a certain way that mothers and fathers hold their children. Mothers are said to hold their kids so that they are facing them creating visual contact, where as fathers have them facing away from them. Having the children facing away from them shows the child their social environment. This gives them the opportunity to be safely secure in the hands of their dad but still open to new experiences. This is such a simple difference that creates a huge social impact in the developing child's life.
Number 2. The ability the dad has to rough house with his children is lead to many benefits. Mothers are just unable to play with their children the same way fathers are. Dads are constantly tickling, throwing, wresting, and more with their kids. This creates the child to pick up on beneficial skills otherwise they would not have obtained. Studies have shown that rough housing causes the child to become smarter, more resilient, socially adept, and more. If you want to know more on this topic I recommend watching the video that I have a link to on the bottom.
Number 3. Fathers who are involved in their children's lives are more likely to protect their children from the harmful activities such as drugs and sexual activity. Having a active father figure gives the sense of protection and moral direction that young children and growing teens need. They are able to show teenage boys how to treat and respect women while they are able to show their daughters how they should be treated.
Number 4. Fathers who are actively involved in the home has resulted in smarter children. From the article The Importance of Fathers, it says, "Students living in father-absent homes were twice as likely to repeat a grade as students with a father in the home." How cool is that!!! Just having a father in the home will insure your child's education.
Number 5. Fathers are the ones who determine how well your relationships are later in life. Those with fathers who are absent have a hard time making connections in relationships. They lack the ability to trust. Father-child relationships build trust and respect that help children as they grow up to create meaningful relationships that last. They are honestly the fix to a lot of the problems that families today are having.
I personally had a positive relationship with my father growing up. He always joked around with me and I defiantly experienced rough housing with him. My father always made it a commitment to be there for us. Before I was born he had a job working at a company that was forty five minutes away. At the time there were a few little ones at home. He had to make the decision of getting a job closer that paid less but having more time at home or working farther away, earning more, and seeing us less. The choice was hard because he wanted to be able to provide for his family financially but he knew that taking the job he wouldn't be able to help the family emotionally. The choice he made to take a job closer so he could spend more time with us has impacted me in a very positive way.
Having my father around has given me the confidence to undertake takes I may not have ever tried. I did pole vault for him even though it terrified me a bit. He gave me the courage and had the belief in me that I could accomplish anything. He set a standard and respected me in a way that showed me I deserved to be respected by others in that way. My dad gave me the love that only he could give. This love provides me with a set of expectations for my future husband that I never would have had without my dad's constant care.
When I was a senior I thought it would be so amazing to be apart of senior week. At that time all my friends had boyfriends so we thought it would be fun to rent a beach house for all of us. We looked up prices and eventually got to the part where we told our parents. I explained the financial situation, what we were doing, and then the part about how boys were coming with. He didn't say much but only strongly suggested that I do not go. This made me very upset and I felt as if he didn't trust me. I thought that I could handle myself and I wouldn't let a bad situation happen. I didn't end up going and I later learned that because he cares about me, he did not want me to go. He trusted me but felt that would not be the safest scenario. Because of my father's active role in my life I was able to stay safe from harm and have a better understanding of what I deserve.
In my future home I want to have the same kind of loving power. The guidance that only a strong father can give. I feel that the father is so important to the family and in order to make sure their is a strong father-child relationship, I will make sure to encourage it. When I am at home with the kids I will make sure to remind them that their father is at work helping to provide for the family. Another way I may encourage this bond is to make the home a calming atmosphere so when he gets back from work he has the time to play with the kids.
Before I even have my own family, I am going to make sure that the guy I marry has the same high standards of fatherhood that I do. I want him to be a loving protector and provider of the family. He should have the same goals that I have in wanting whats best for the family. I believe that as long as he is trying to be the best father he can be our children will have an amazing life.
In this article their is also an awesome video about rough hosing that I reccomend watching.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/the-importance-of-fathers-according-to-science/
https://www.parenting.com/article/why-kids-need-their-dads
Number 1. There is a certain way that mothers and fathers hold their children. Mothers are said to hold their kids so that they are facing them creating visual contact, where as fathers have them facing away from them. Having the children facing away from them shows the child their social environment. This gives them the opportunity to be safely secure in the hands of their dad but still open to new experiences. This is such a simple difference that creates a huge social impact in the developing child's life.
Number 2. The ability the dad has to rough house with his children is lead to many benefits. Mothers are just unable to play with their children the same way fathers are. Dads are constantly tickling, throwing, wresting, and more with their kids. This creates the child to pick up on beneficial skills otherwise they would not have obtained. Studies have shown that rough housing causes the child to become smarter, more resilient, socially adept, and more. If you want to know more on this topic I recommend watching the video that I have a link to on the bottom.
Number 3. Fathers who are involved in their children's lives are more likely to protect their children from the harmful activities such as drugs and sexual activity. Having a active father figure gives the sense of protection and moral direction that young children and growing teens need. They are able to show teenage boys how to treat and respect women while they are able to show their daughters how they should be treated.
Number 4. Fathers who are actively involved in the home has resulted in smarter children. From the article The Importance of Fathers, it says, "Students living in father-absent homes were twice as likely to repeat a grade as students with a father in the home." How cool is that!!! Just having a father in the home will insure your child's education.
Number 5. Fathers are the ones who determine how well your relationships are later in life. Those with fathers who are absent have a hard time making connections in relationships. They lack the ability to trust. Father-child relationships build trust and respect that help children as they grow up to create meaningful relationships that last. They are honestly the fix to a lot of the problems that families today are having.
I personally had a positive relationship with my father growing up. He always joked around with me and I defiantly experienced rough housing with him. My father always made it a commitment to be there for us. Before I was born he had a job working at a company that was forty five minutes away. At the time there were a few little ones at home. He had to make the decision of getting a job closer that paid less but having more time at home or working farther away, earning more, and seeing us less. The choice was hard because he wanted to be able to provide for his family financially but he knew that taking the job he wouldn't be able to help the family emotionally. The choice he made to take a job closer so he could spend more time with us has impacted me in a very positive way.
Having my father around has given me the confidence to undertake takes I may not have ever tried. I did pole vault for him even though it terrified me a bit. He gave me the courage and had the belief in me that I could accomplish anything. He set a standard and respected me in a way that showed me I deserved to be respected by others in that way. My dad gave me the love that only he could give. This love provides me with a set of expectations for my future husband that I never would have had without my dad's constant care.
When I was a senior I thought it would be so amazing to be apart of senior week. At that time all my friends had boyfriends so we thought it would be fun to rent a beach house for all of us. We looked up prices and eventually got to the part where we told our parents. I explained the financial situation, what we were doing, and then the part about how boys were coming with. He didn't say much but only strongly suggested that I do not go. This made me very upset and I felt as if he didn't trust me. I thought that I could handle myself and I wouldn't let a bad situation happen. I didn't end up going and I later learned that because he cares about me, he did not want me to go. He trusted me but felt that would not be the safest scenario. Because of my father's active role in my life I was able to stay safe from harm and have a better understanding of what I deserve.
In my future home I want to have the same kind of loving power. The guidance that only a strong father can give. I feel that the father is so important to the family and in order to make sure their is a strong father-child relationship, I will make sure to encourage it. When I am at home with the kids I will make sure to remind them that their father is at work helping to provide for the family. Another way I may encourage this bond is to make the home a calming atmosphere so when he gets back from work he has the time to play with the kids.
Before I even have my own family, I am going to make sure that the guy I marry has the same high standards of fatherhood that I do. I want him to be a loving protector and provider of the family. He should have the same goals that I have in wanting whats best for the family. I believe that as long as he is trying to be the best father he can be our children will have an amazing life.
In this article their is also an awesome video about rough hosing that I reccomend watching.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/the-importance-of-fathers-according-to-science/
https://www.parenting.com/article/why-kids-need-their-dads
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