Parenting is hard work! I wouldn't exactly know seeing as I am nineteen, not married, and do not have a child, but I have babysat. Although I love playing and watching little kids, after an evening of babysitting I need a full day recovery. The amount of attention, work and care that goes into raising a child is insane. I remember one time when I was about sixteen and I was asked to watch three kids for the evening. There was a little boy who was 6, a little girl who was 4, and a baby girl. They were the most energized little children I have ever met. No matter how long I let them run around outside playing games they never seemed to get tired enough to calm down. It was a struggle getting them ready for bed and what was even harder was making sure they stayed in bed. By the time I finally got the two oldest to bed, as luck would have it, the youngest then awoke. As you would figure I was exhausted by the end of the night. The struggles I seemed to have with these children most parents have similar problems through their whole child's life.
From birth to death all the parent is hoping for is to do a good enough job so that their kid will succeed in life's daily challenges. From teaching their child to read to teaching them how to change oil in a car. Parents are preparing their kids for the future up ahead. So to help out those of you parents struggling with your children or those preparing to have kids I would like to share some knowledge that I have acquired.
Taught by Dr. Popkin, children need contact and belonging, power, protection, withdrawal, and challenge. Without receiving these skills they may take unnecessary risks in order to feel a challenge or they may seek for revenge for the lack of protection the felt they were obligated to enjoy. They may also seek constant attention in unprecedented ways because they did not receive the contact they desperately needed. But there are easy ways as parents, you can makes sure they receive these needs. All it takes is a little bit of practice.
In order to assure that you child feels contact and also that they belong is simply being affectionate. This shows them that the are loved. If wanting to make them feel as though they belong in the family, let them contribute to the family. This consists of things, such as, washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, picking up the living room, and so on. If the child participates in family chores then they feel like they deserve to be there and they feel like they belong. It was always enjoyable to watch my little niece help me out in the kitchen. I would wash the dishes and she would help me dry them. Though I was terrified she might break one of the dishes, you could see how excited she was to tell her mom and dad that she was able to contribute.
As kids start to grow up they learn that they have the power, as in they have choices. Most parents get the excessive amount of no's from their little kids. This is because they just found out they have the power to make their own choices. Though this is good to learn make sure that they also understand the consequences of their choices, the responsibility that comes with the power. In order to protect your kids, you need to make sure to teach them how to be assertive. Teaching them this skill will allow them to stand up for themselves in the future when you are no longer there to protect them. As much as you want to always protect your child, they need to learn how to protect themselves.
The last to needs being withdrawal and challenge can be easily taught. Withdrawal is learned by showing children that they are allowed to take breaks. Taking a break and then continuing to work on the project at hand helps them to persevere and not become overly stressed with what needs to be done. Everyone loves to challenge themselves. That is why we further our education or take on new activities. In order to make sure that you kid meets their need for challenge in a safe way, allow them to be apart of new activities or teach them new skills daily.
Each child is different and complex. As a parent, you each know your child best and know the best was to implement the skills they need in order to help them succeed in live. I wish you the best in your parenting endeavors.
Friday, July 13, 2018
Saturday, July 7, 2018
Fathers are Important
This week I would like to focus in on Fathers in the home and their importance. I recently read an article of the benefits of fathers in which I would like to share some of the insights I learned. If you want to read the full article I will post the link at the bottom.
Number 1. There is a certain way that mothers and fathers hold their children. Mothers are said to hold their kids so that they are facing them creating visual contact, where as fathers have them facing away from them. Having the children facing away from them shows the child their social environment. This gives them the opportunity to be safely secure in the hands of their dad but still open to new experiences. This is such a simple difference that creates a huge social impact in the developing child's life.
Number 2. The ability the dad has to rough house with his children is lead to many benefits. Mothers are just unable to play with their children the same way fathers are. Dads are constantly tickling, throwing, wresting, and more with their kids. This creates the child to pick up on beneficial skills otherwise they would not have obtained. Studies have shown that rough housing causes the child to become smarter, more resilient, socially adept, and more. If you want to know more on this topic I recommend watching the video that I have a link to on the bottom.
Number 3. Fathers who are involved in their children's lives are more likely to protect their children from the harmful activities such as drugs and sexual activity. Having a active father figure gives the sense of protection and moral direction that young children and growing teens need. They are able to show teenage boys how to treat and respect women while they are able to show their daughters how they should be treated.
Number 4. Fathers who are actively involved in the home has resulted in smarter children. From the article The Importance of Fathers, it says, "Students living in father-absent homes were twice as likely to repeat a grade as students with a father in the home." How cool is that!!! Just having a father in the home will insure your child's education.
Number 5. Fathers are the ones who determine how well your relationships are later in life. Those with fathers who are absent have a hard time making connections in relationships. They lack the ability to trust. Father-child relationships build trust and respect that help children as they grow up to create meaningful relationships that last. They are honestly the fix to a lot of the problems that families today are having.
I personally had a positive relationship with my father growing up. He always joked around with me and I defiantly experienced rough housing with him. My father always made it a commitment to be there for us. Before I was born he had a job working at a company that was forty five minutes away. At the time there were a few little ones at home. He had to make the decision of getting a job closer that paid less but having more time at home or working farther away, earning more, and seeing us less. The choice was hard because he wanted to be able to provide for his family financially but he knew that taking the job he wouldn't be able to help the family emotionally. The choice he made to take a job closer so he could spend more time with us has impacted me in a very positive way.
Having my father around has given me the confidence to undertake takes I may not have ever tried. I did pole vault for him even though it terrified me a bit. He gave me the courage and had the belief in me that I could accomplish anything. He set a standard and respected me in a way that showed me I deserved to be respected by others in that way. My dad gave me the love that only he could give. This love provides me with a set of expectations for my future husband that I never would have had without my dad's constant care.
When I was a senior I thought it would be so amazing to be apart of senior week. At that time all my friends had boyfriends so we thought it would be fun to rent a beach house for all of us. We looked up prices and eventually got to the part where we told our parents. I explained the financial situation, what we were doing, and then the part about how boys were coming with. He didn't say much but only strongly suggested that I do not go. This made me very upset and I felt as if he didn't trust me. I thought that I could handle myself and I wouldn't let a bad situation happen. I didn't end up going and I later learned that because he cares about me, he did not want me to go. He trusted me but felt that would not be the safest scenario. Because of my father's active role in my life I was able to stay safe from harm and have a better understanding of what I deserve.
In my future home I want to have the same kind of loving power. The guidance that only a strong father can give. I feel that the father is so important to the family and in order to make sure their is a strong father-child relationship, I will make sure to encourage it. When I am at home with the kids I will make sure to remind them that their father is at work helping to provide for the family. Another way I may encourage this bond is to make the home a calming atmosphere so when he gets back from work he has the time to play with the kids.
Before I even have my own family, I am going to make sure that the guy I marry has the same high standards of fatherhood that I do. I want him to be a loving protector and provider of the family. He should have the same goals that I have in wanting whats best for the family. I believe that as long as he is trying to be the best father he can be our children will have an amazing life.
In this article their is also an awesome video about rough hosing that I reccomend watching.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/the-importance-of-fathers-according-to-science/
https://www.parenting.com/article/why-kids-need-their-dads
Number 1. There is a certain way that mothers and fathers hold their children. Mothers are said to hold their kids so that they are facing them creating visual contact, where as fathers have them facing away from them. Having the children facing away from them shows the child their social environment. This gives them the opportunity to be safely secure in the hands of their dad but still open to new experiences. This is such a simple difference that creates a huge social impact in the developing child's life.
Number 2. The ability the dad has to rough house with his children is lead to many benefits. Mothers are just unable to play with their children the same way fathers are. Dads are constantly tickling, throwing, wresting, and more with their kids. This creates the child to pick up on beneficial skills otherwise they would not have obtained. Studies have shown that rough housing causes the child to become smarter, more resilient, socially adept, and more. If you want to know more on this topic I recommend watching the video that I have a link to on the bottom.
Number 3. Fathers who are involved in their children's lives are more likely to protect their children from the harmful activities such as drugs and sexual activity. Having a active father figure gives the sense of protection and moral direction that young children and growing teens need. They are able to show teenage boys how to treat and respect women while they are able to show their daughters how they should be treated.
Number 4. Fathers who are actively involved in the home has resulted in smarter children. From the article The Importance of Fathers, it says, "Students living in father-absent homes were twice as likely to repeat a grade as students with a father in the home." How cool is that!!! Just having a father in the home will insure your child's education.
Number 5. Fathers are the ones who determine how well your relationships are later in life. Those with fathers who are absent have a hard time making connections in relationships. They lack the ability to trust. Father-child relationships build trust and respect that help children as they grow up to create meaningful relationships that last. They are honestly the fix to a lot of the problems that families today are having.
I personally had a positive relationship with my father growing up. He always joked around with me and I defiantly experienced rough housing with him. My father always made it a commitment to be there for us. Before I was born he had a job working at a company that was forty five minutes away. At the time there were a few little ones at home. He had to make the decision of getting a job closer that paid less but having more time at home or working farther away, earning more, and seeing us less. The choice was hard because he wanted to be able to provide for his family financially but he knew that taking the job he wouldn't be able to help the family emotionally. The choice he made to take a job closer so he could spend more time with us has impacted me in a very positive way.
Having my father around has given me the confidence to undertake takes I may not have ever tried. I did pole vault for him even though it terrified me a bit. He gave me the courage and had the belief in me that I could accomplish anything. He set a standard and respected me in a way that showed me I deserved to be respected by others in that way. My dad gave me the love that only he could give. This love provides me with a set of expectations for my future husband that I never would have had without my dad's constant care.
When I was a senior I thought it would be so amazing to be apart of senior week. At that time all my friends had boyfriends so we thought it would be fun to rent a beach house for all of us. We looked up prices and eventually got to the part where we told our parents. I explained the financial situation, what we were doing, and then the part about how boys were coming with. He didn't say much but only strongly suggested that I do not go. This made me very upset and I felt as if he didn't trust me. I thought that I could handle myself and I wouldn't let a bad situation happen. I didn't end up going and I later learned that because he cares about me, he did not want me to go. He trusted me but felt that would not be the safest scenario. Because of my father's active role in my life I was able to stay safe from harm and have a better understanding of what I deserve.
In my future home I want to have the same kind of loving power. The guidance that only a strong father can give. I feel that the father is so important to the family and in order to make sure their is a strong father-child relationship, I will make sure to encourage it. When I am at home with the kids I will make sure to remind them that their father is at work helping to provide for the family. Another way I may encourage this bond is to make the home a calming atmosphere so when he gets back from work he has the time to play with the kids.
Before I even have my own family, I am going to make sure that the guy I marry has the same high standards of fatherhood that I do. I want him to be a loving protector and provider of the family. He should have the same goals that I have in wanting whats best for the family. I believe that as long as he is trying to be the best father he can be our children will have an amazing life.
In this article their is also an awesome video about rough hosing that I reccomend watching.
https://www.artofmanliness.com/articles/the-importance-of-fathers-according-to-science/
https://www.parenting.com/article/why-kids-need-their-dads
Friday, June 29, 2018
Family Council
Every Sunday our family would come home from church and sit around our round dinner table. There we would all be eating grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch and talking about what we learned at church that day. As a family we loved talking and eating together but we all knew what came after the meal...Family Council. I have got to hand it to them, they were pretty sneaky. My parents knew that the best time to gather the whole family together was when we were already here for food. We were full and tired from early church so where we we sat, we stayed. There we listened.
We would begin the meeting with a game I like to call who needs to be where. When your parents have eight children, only one or two of them old enough to have a license, with only three cars, this turns into a challenging mind game. It would go something like this...Melissa, Rebecca and Nathan have marching band Monday from 7 to 9. Rebecca works 3-11 Tuesday and Thursday. Everyone has youth activity Wednesday night from 7-8:30. Nathan has soccer after school until 5:30 but has a soccer game Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Jonathan has musical practice this week. So I can pick up Melissa at 9, but who can pick Nathan up at 5:30? And on and on and on, until we have figured out who is where on what day and which parent is able to pick them up.
And if you weren't already bored from that whole activity, next we got to go over chores for the week. This was the time in the meeting where we were told how poorly we did at keeping up on chores, which was completely true, but that doesn't make you feel the best. Though hard, it was necessary to reevaluate the situation and figure out a better solution. We would switch up dishes and dinner nights so it would correspond with the nights you didn't have after school activities. Household chores would be shuffled around and consequences would be created for those who didn't complete said chores. These meetings normally ended one of three ways. Someone would storm out angry after a big argument, my mom would give up because nobody was really paying attention, or sometimes even crying. Now obviously this was not the best way to go about family councils.
Here is a link that talks about how a good council is run.
The way a council should start is first by loving complements. I know this may sound weird, but when everyone feels appreciated and cared about, a welcoming atmosphere is created. After you have talked with others, learned about what is going on in their life, and listened, you then want to have a prayer. This way we invite the spirit into our home and have his guidance with any decisions we may make. Next is the discussion. Here is where all of the important topics that need to be talked about are thoroughly discussed. During this period, it is important to get everyone's opinion on the matter and continue going around the room till the group has reached an agreement. Once the matter is settled, you then end the council with prayer. Then everyone should all enjoy refreshments afterwards so they have the opportunity to come together as a group again.
The family councils that I experienced growing up were not necessarily presented in this way. I feel, as a family, we would have been more successful if we followed an outline like this. We were able to cover all the subjects needed to have the house run smoothly, but those meetings were some of the hardest get together. I am not saying that family councils are going to become the highlight of the week, but done right, many blessings will come from it.
Saturday, June 23, 2018
Stressors
There are so many different family crisis's that can cause stress in the family structure. Some examples are the death of a child, loss of job, or maybe a parent who drinks. All these stressors have a chain reaction in the family structure. They cause the balance to shift and bring about more problems. This is called a pile up. One problem causes many different problems in the family that they might not even realize.
At the end of my junior year in high school my family experienced our own family crisis. My dad lost his job and we were also having problems with a building that we owned. The apartment building used to give us some income but because of recent bad tenants, the building was costing us more than benefiting. My mom still had her job so our family still had some income, but it did not cover everything that was needed. This brought about a lot of stress and concern in our house. This situation could have gone one of two ways. This could have torn my family apart or we could have used this obstacle to strengthen our family more.
In the textbook Marriage and Family-The Quest for Intimacy, it goes over the tools you need to successfully cope or overcome your family crisis. The first step is taking responsibility. In this instance taking responsibility means making sure you are not playing the victim. You need to make sure you and your family are taken care of and to do that you can not deny, run away, or blame others for what happened to you. When my dad lost his job, he accepted what happened and then started to look for new jobs. He didn't blame anyone or run from his problem, he was able to take responsibility and move forward.
The next two steps are to affirm your's and your family's worth and make sure to also worry about each other concerns. It is important to make sure that you believe in yourself. If you have no self worth then you will be unable to feel confident in yourself to get out of this hard situation. While you are going through this, you need to make sure that your family is a concern to you. Relay to them your plans and talk with them about what they are concerned about. This will keep an open communication letting the worries of family members decrease. While my dad was going through the job loss, I asked questions and we talked as a family. We made plans and kept this bottle of sparkling grape juice in the fridge. We decided as a family that when he first gets a new job we would open it to celebrate. This allowed us to become closer and being able to understand what was going on brought about its own sense of relief.
The last two steps to deal with a family crisis are being able to use resources around you and being able to reframe the situation. Reframing means being able to change the way you perceive a situation. My dad could have come home from work the day he was fired with the idea that he was worthless and would never be able to get another job. That is not how he perceived the situation though. He saw this as an opportunity to start something new and get away from a place that wasn't treating him the best. My dad was also able to reframe the situation for his family. For us, especially my mom, we did not see this as a good thing at all. But he was able to explain the situation for us and reassure us that him losing his job will eventually be a good thing. From there on we were able to put together the resources we had to help out with the current situation. We were all involved in the problem so instead of one person dealing with it, we all were. This is how, as a family, we were able to become stronger from a family crisis.
At the end of my junior year in high school my family experienced our own family crisis. My dad lost his job and we were also having problems with a building that we owned. The apartment building used to give us some income but because of recent bad tenants, the building was costing us more than benefiting. My mom still had her job so our family still had some income, but it did not cover everything that was needed. This brought about a lot of stress and concern in our house. This situation could have gone one of two ways. This could have torn my family apart or we could have used this obstacle to strengthen our family more.
In the textbook Marriage and Family-The Quest for Intimacy, it goes over the tools you need to successfully cope or overcome your family crisis. The first step is taking responsibility. In this instance taking responsibility means making sure you are not playing the victim. You need to make sure you and your family are taken care of and to do that you can not deny, run away, or blame others for what happened to you. When my dad lost his job, he accepted what happened and then started to look for new jobs. He didn't blame anyone or run from his problem, he was able to take responsibility and move forward.
The next two steps are to affirm your's and your family's worth and make sure to also worry about each other concerns. It is important to make sure that you believe in yourself. If you have no self worth then you will be unable to feel confident in yourself to get out of this hard situation. While you are going through this, you need to make sure that your family is a concern to you. Relay to them your plans and talk with them about what they are concerned about. This will keep an open communication letting the worries of family members decrease. While my dad was going through the job loss, I asked questions and we talked as a family. We made plans and kept this bottle of sparkling grape juice in the fridge. We decided as a family that when he first gets a new job we would open it to celebrate. This allowed us to become closer and being able to understand what was going on brought about its own sense of relief.
The last two steps to deal with a family crisis are being able to use resources around you and being able to reframe the situation. Reframing means being able to change the way you perceive a situation. My dad could have come home from work the day he was fired with the idea that he was worthless and would never be able to get another job. That is not how he perceived the situation though. He saw this as an opportunity to start something new and get away from a place that wasn't treating him the best. My dad was also able to reframe the situation for his family. For us, especially my mom, we did not see this as a good thing at all. But he was able to explain the situation for us and reassure us that him losing his job will eventually be a good thing. From there on we were able to put together the resources we had to help out with the current situation. We were all involved in the problem so instead of one person dealing with it, we all were. This is how, as a family, we were able to become stronger from a family crisis.
Friday, June 15, 2018
Sexual Intimacy
This week I would like to diverge into a not so talked about topic. Most people avoid the topic of sex or expect someone else to teach their kids about sex. This is not to say they are in any way bad parents, I wouldn't blame them for not talking to their kids about it. But I would like to emphasize the need for parents to teach their kids, because it is prevalent to know about. You see, growing up, sex is this thing that you know about, but you never fully understand.
During the part in your life when you go through the "your body is changing" phase, I never had that specific talk with my parents. You know the one about how girls and guys have different body parts and the your body is special talk. At least that is what I figure is talked about seeing as I didn't have it. Continuing on, when I was in my high school years, when sex is most relevant, I was never given the sex talk by my parents. I learned all about my body and all about sex through the public school education system. In fifth grade they split boys and girls in different rooms, told us to sit down and listen, while they then played a video to educate us on our sexual reproductive organs. Throughout high school, I learned from the media, friends, and classmates, about sex. Ever so casually my friends would start talking about their sexual experiences at the lunch table. They would then look at me and go, "Oh honey, you're to innocent to hear about these things." Which, even though I was the same age as them, I was fine not to go into further discussion about this topic. Who honestly wants to talk about someone having sex while they are trying to enjoy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This is how I learned about sex. Clearly, I was not taught properly. But this is how most of the population learns about sex. Isn't this just sad. Not only sad but in a sense terrifying. Children are teaching children about something as intimate and personal as sex. What is misunderstood or not taught is the reality of the harmful effects in participating in such physically activities. This leads to many unsuccessful relationships.
Most do not realize the importance of intimacy. From the book Marriage and Family; The Quest for intimacy it states, "We can have intimacy without sex, but we cannot have satisfying sex without intimacy. In other words, sexual satisfaction is likely to be the result of, rather than the cause of, marital satisfaction." Or also stated in the book, "Sexual desire reflects the human need for love and union. In other words, the need for intimacy has primacy over sex." Having a meaningful relationship and feeling satisfied in the relationship will not be achieved by physical touch or sex. Sex is described as enjoyable but of little or no value, if intimacy is not involved. It ends up leaving people feeling emptier than before. This I feel is crucial lesson to learn and later on teach your kids. Make sure they understand their worth. Make sure that they know that physical touch does not show the amount of love a person has for you. That they are worth way more than just their body to someone.
A statistic I found shows a good example of how wrongly sex is being taught. The survey taken states, "One in three teens reported that they had sex in the same month or before their dating relationship began; another 35 percent reported that they initiated first sex within the first three months of their relationship" (Making a Love Connection by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy). The fact being taught or not taught is that teen couples feel that real love is based on the physical relationship they have. They do not have a better understanding of the topic to know that sex is not a good indicator of love and commitment. We must all be taught by our parents how special we are. That we deserve someone who treats us well and respects and loves us. Sex is not an indicator of how much somebody loves you, intimacy is the key factor in true love and a strong relationship.
During the part in your life when you go through the "your body is changing" phase, I never had that specific talk with my parents. You know the one about how girls and guys have different body parts and the your body is special talk. At least that is what I figure is talked about seeing as I didn't have it. Continuing on, when I was in my high school years, when sex is most relevant, I was never given the sex talk by my parents. I learned all about my body and all about sex through the public school education system. In fifth grade they split boys and girls in different rooms, told us to sit down and listen, while they then played a video to educate us on our sexual reproductive organs. Throughout high school, I learned from the media, friends, and classmates, about sex. Ever so casually my friends would start talking about their sexual experiences at the lunch table. They would then look at me and go, "Oh honey, you're to innocent to hear about these things." Which, even though I was the same age as them, I was fine not to go into further discussion about this topic. Who honestly wants to talk about someone having sex while they are trying to enjoy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This is how I learned about sex. Clearly, I was not taught properly. But this is how most of the population learns about sex. Isn't this just sad. Not only sad but in a sense terrifying. Children are teaching children about something as intimate and personal as sex. What is misunderstood or not taught is the reality of the harmful effects in participating in such physically activities. This leads to many unsuccessful relationships.
Most do not realize the importance of intimacy. From the book Marriage and Family; The Quest for intimacy it states, "We can have intimacy without sex, but we cannot have satisfying sex without intimacy. In other words, sexual satisfaction is likely to be the result of, rather than the cause of, marital satisfaction." Or also stated in the book, "Sexual desire reflects the human need for love and union. In other words, the need for intimacy has primacy over sex." Having a meaningful relationship and feeling satisfied in the relationship will not be achieved by physical touch or sex. Sex is described as enjoyable but of little or no value, if intimacy is not involved. It ends up leaving people feeling emptier than before. This I feel is crucial lesson to learn and later on teach your kids. Make sure they understand their worth. Make sure that they know that physical touch does not show the amount of love a person has for you. That they are worth way more than just their body to someone.
A statistic I found shows a good example of how wrongly sex is being taught. The survey taken states, "One in three teens reported that they had sex in the same month or before their dating relationship began; another 35 percent reported that they initiated first sex within the first three months of their relationship" (Making a Love Connection by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy). The fact being taught or not taught is that teen couples feel that real love is based on the physical relationship they have. They do not have a better understanding of the topic to know that sex is not a good indicator of love and commitment. We must all be taught by our parents how special we are. That we deserve someone who treats us well and respects and loves us. Sex is not an indicator of how much somebody loves you, intimacy is the key factor in true love and a strong relationship.
Friday, June 8, 2018
Steps for a Successful Marriage
Last week was all about dating. This week we will build on that and learn the proper way to date, in order to set you up for a strong marriage. The how to of dating.
There are four distinct steps to take over the course of a relationship. The first step is the one widely known as dating. Now to clarify, dating does not mean "hanging out" and it definitely does not mean making out. Dating is an event that is planned, payed for, and there is a specific person you are paired off with. Dating gives individuals the experience to find out what qualities they like in the opposite sex. This is a unique opportunity to have fun but not have to be fully committed to anyone. This gives you the chance to make connections with the other person, have a good time, and experience different qualities a person processes. If you find you are interested in a particular person, then you go on a second date, then a third, which leads us to the next step.
Courting, this is like dating but now you are exclusively dating one person. Make sure to distinctly have a conversation about your new status. You cannot just slide from dating to courting. If you want to have a good relationship, then talk about your relationship. It may go something like this. Boy, "I really like you and I would like it if you just dated me." Girl, "So your saying you want to be boyfriend, girlfriend?" Boy, "yes I would." Girl, "Okay!" Now obviously this sounds ridiculous, but they both know where they stand in the relationship. Neither of them are in that state of confusion where they may both like each other, they are seeing each other, but nothing has actually been confirmed that they are dating exclusively.
It is important to realize that in this stage you should still be going out on dates with this person. You want to get to know the person further and you are unable to do that just by hanging out or doing homework together. Courting is the time to start talking about family traditions, how they expect to their future home to run, or what to expect in a future home. This is where you should talk with your partner about your expectation. Make sure that you are both on the same page and you both want the same things. Everyone should use this time to build a foundation of principles that are most likely to be addressed later on in marriage. Now if your relationship is going really well, the only obvious next step is...
ENGAGEMENT. That's right. Ring, proposal, and all. This stage is for couples to clearly define what they expect of each other. If a you feel a couple contract is needed then create a contract. Major topics to talk about are money, phone plans, household chores, who will provide the income, who will stay home, if you want kids or not, how you plan on raising a family, and etc. This is a crucial time to solidify the expectations you had in engagement. It is very important to work through all of these decisions together. Of course once she says yes to your hand in marriage, the date is set, then you are both ready for the final step.
You guessed it, marriage. At this point, as a couple, you should have most decisions planned out. You both know where each other stands and are committed to make sacrifices for your significant other. Keep in mind that during engagement you guys solidified your expectations, but marriage is where you will actually test these out. There will be problems and difficulty during marriage, but because a strong foundation was set at the beginning you are able to solve the problems successfully. Marriage is a give and take relationship. No one should go into marriage thinking that their spouse will do everything for them. Marriage is about teamwork and freely giving service to the person you care about. No one benefits in the relationship from being selfish.
Remember that it is important to clearly define each step. Your relationship should have imaginary stairs not a imaginary slide. I wish you the best in your journey and hope these steps help you in your dating experience.
There are four distinct steps to take over the course of a relationship. The first step is the one widely known as dating. Now to clarify, dating does not mean "hanging out" and it definitely does not mean making out. Dating is an event that is planned, payed for, and there is a specific person you are paired off with. Dating gives individuals the experience to find out what qualities they like in the opposite sex. This is a unique opportunity to have fun but not have to be fully committed to anyone. This gives you the chance to make connections with the other person, have a good time, and experience different qualities a person processes. If you find you are interested in a particular person, then you go on a second date, then a third, which leads us to the next step.
Courting, this is like dating but now you are exclusively dating one person. Make sure to distinctly have a conversation about your new status. You cannot just slide from dating to courting. If you want to have a good relationship, then talk about your relationship. It may go something like this. Boy, "I really like you and I would like it if you just dated me." Girl, "So your saying you want to be boyfriend, girlfriend?" Boy, "yes I would." Girl, "Okay!" Now obviously this sounds ridiculous, but they both know where they stand in the relationship. Neither of them are in that state of confusion where they may both like each other, they are seeing each other, but nothing has actually been confirmed that they are dating exclusively.
It is important to realize that in this stage you should still be going out on dates with this person. You want to get to know the person further and you are unable to do that just by hanging out or doing homework together. Courting is the time to start talking about family traditions, how they expect to their future home to run, or what to expect in a future home. This is where you should talk with your partner about your expectation. Make sure that you are both on the same page and you both want the same things. Everyone should use this time to build a foundation of principles that are most likely to be addressed later on in marriage. Now if your relationship is going really well, the only obvious next step is...
ENGAGEMENT. That's right. Ring, proposal, and all. This stage is for couples to clearly define what they expect of each other. If a you feel a couple contract is needed then create a contract. Major topics to talk about are money, phone plans, household chores, who will provide the income, who will stay home, if you want kids or not, how you plan on raising a family, and etc. This is a crucial time to solidify the expectations you had in engagement. It is very important to work through all of these decisions together. Of course once she says yes to your hand in marriage, the date is set, then you are both ready for the final step.
You guessed it, marriage. At this point, as a couple, you should have most decisions planned out. You both know where each other stands and are committed to make sacrifices for your significant other. Keep in mind that during engagement you guys solidified your expectations, but marriage is where you will actually test these out. There will be problems and difficulty during marriage, but because a strong foundation was set at the beginning you are able to solve the problems successfully. Marriage is a give and take relationship. No one should go into marriage thinking that their spouse will do everything for them. Marriage is about teamwork and freely giving service to the person you care about. No one benefits in the relationship from being selfish.
Remember that it is important to clearly define each step. Your relationship should have imaginary stairs not a imaginary slide. I wish you the best in your journey and hope these steps help you in your dating experience.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Dating
I feel like as people of this world we have forgotten the importance of dating. First let me explain what a date is. A date consists of three fundamental things. Is it payed for, planned, and are you paired off. When you have all three, then you will know for sure that it is a date. You may ask why this is important, well to build a lasting relationship dating is the sturdy foundation. Dating is what you build off of so it better be pretty secure.
Dating gives you the option to see the other person in different settings and in different situations. Is your date a good sport when he loses? Does your date enjoy the outdoors? The only way to truly get a feel for their personality is to create moments together where you can find out how they act. In today's world there are too many people just hanging out. I didn't think this was that big of a deal until I realized, if all you do with your significant other is hangout, lets say at his apartment, what exactly are you gonna learn? You may learn that he is really good at cuddling because you both sit on the sofa and watch movies while there. Maybe you learn that he is a good roommate because he always asks his roommates how their days have been and cleans the dishes for them. These are all good things, but how will you ever learn if he is a sore loser or that he is afraid of heights from staying at his place all the time.
The main purpose of dating is figuring out what type of person you want to marry. Marriage is such a big step, so we should treat it as such and make sure that we go on dates. We need to make sure that we are not just hanging out. From my experience, dating has taught me a lot. One date I went on, I went to a game night. I enjoyed myself a lot because I love playing game. He enjoyed playing games too but something was a little off. You could tell that the more he lost the worst his attitude became. Now he could hide it well but for an easy going board playing person like me, it just didn't feel right to continue farther. I didn't want someone who couldn't have fun playing the game no matter if they won or lost. I also went on a date with another guy and he took me on a date to make bread. There I saw how patient he was while waiting for ingredients or how nice he was to help others make bread too. Now I don't have any more experiences with ether because I didn't want anymore, but I think you get the point.
Dating is such a benefit if we use it for our advantage. The qualities that are able to be found out from simply dating is astounding. One personal thing that I look for is if my date is on time. I cannot stand lateness so right off the bat, I am a little skeptical if they show up late. This teaches me so much about what type of person he is. So me just being curious, what qualities do you guys look for while on a date? I hoped you enjoyed my insight and I wish that everyone makes an effort to go on more dates and hangout a lot less.
Dating gives you the option to see the other person in different settings and in different situations. Is your date a good sport when he loses? Does your date enjoy the outdoors? The only way to truly get a feel for their personality is to create moments together where you can find out how they act. In today's world there are too many people just hanging out. I didn't think this was that big of a deal until I realized, if all you do with your significant other is hangout, lets say at his apartment, what exactly are you gonna learn? You may learn that he is really good at cuddling because you both sit on the sofa and watch movies while there. Maybe you learn that he is a good roommate because he always asks his roommates how their days have been and cleans the dishes for them. These are all good things, but how will you ever learn if he is a sore loser or that he is afraid of heights from staying at his place all the time.
The main purpose of dating is figuring out what type of person you want to marry. Marriage is such a big step, so we should treat it as such and make sure that we go on dates. We need to make sure that we are not just hanging out. From my experience, dating has taught me a lot. One date I went on, I went to a game night. I enjoyed myself a lot because I love playing game. He enjoyed playing games too but something was a little off. You could tell that the more he lost the worst his attitude became. Now he could hide it well but for an easy going board playing person like me, it just didn't feel right to continue farther. I didn't want someone who couldn't have fun playing the game no matter if they won or lost. I also went on a date with another guy and he took me on a date to make bread. There I saw how patient he was while waiting for ingredients or how nice he was to help others make bread too. Now I don't have any more experiences with ether because I didn't want anymore, but I think you get the point.
Dating is such a benefit if we use it for our advantage. The qualities that are able to be found out from simply dating is astounding. One personal thing that I look for is if my date is on time. I cannot stand lateness so right off the bat, I am a little skeptical if they show up late. This teaches me so much about what type of person he is. So me just being curious, what qualities do you guys look for while on a date? I hoped you enjoyed my insight and I wish that everyone makes an effort to go on more dates and hangout a lot less.
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