Last week was all about dating. This week we will build on that and learn the proper way to date, in order to set you up for a strong marriage. The how to of dating.
There are four distinct steps to take over the course of a relationship. The first step is the one widely known as dating. Now to clarify, dating does not mean "hanging out" and it definitely does not mean making out. Dating is an event that is planned, payed for, and there is a specific person you are paired off with. Dating gives individuals the experience to find out what qualities they like in the opposite sex. This is a unique opportunity to have fun but not have to be fully committed to anyone. This gives you the chance to make connections with the other person, have a good time, and experience different qualities a person processes. If you find you are interested in a particular person, then you go on a second date, then a third, which leads us to the next step.
Courting, this is like dating but now you are exclusively dating one person. Make sure to distinctly have a conversation about your new status. You cannot just slide from dating to courting. If you want to have a good relationship, then talk about your relationship. It may go something like this. Boy, "I really like you and I would like it if you just dated me." Girl, "So your saying you want to be boyfriend, girlfriend?" Boy, "yes I would." Girl, "Okay!" Now obviously this sounds ridiculous, but they both know where they stand in the relationship. Neither of them are in that state of confusion where they may both like each other, they are seeing each other, but nothing has actually been confirmed that they are dating exclusively.
It is important to realize that in this stage you should still be going out on dates with this person. You want to get to know the person further and you are unable to do that just by hanging out or doing homework together. Courting is the time to start talking about family traditions, how they expect to their future home to run, or what to expect in a future home. This is where you should talk with your partner about your expectation. Make sure that you are both on the same page and you both want the same things. Everyone should use this time to build a foundation of principles that are most likely to be addressed later on in marriage. Now if your relationship is going really well, the only obvious next step is...
ENGAGEMENT. That's right. Ring, proposal, and all. This stage is for couples to clearly define what they expect of each other. If a you feel a couple contract is needed then create a contract. Major topics to talk about are money, phone plans, household chores, who will provide the income, who will stay home, if you want kids or not, how you plan on raising a family, and etc. This is a crucial time to solidify the expectations you had in engagement. It is very important to work through all of these decisions together. Of course once she says yes to your hand in marriage, the date is set, then you are both ready for the final step.
You guessed it, marriage. At this point, as a couple, you should have most decisions planned out. You both know where each other stands and are committed to make sacrifices for your significant other. Keep in mind that during engagement you guys solidified your expectations, but marriage is where you will actually test these out. There will be problems and difficulty during marriage, but because a strong foundation was set at the beginning you are able to solve the problems successfully. Marriage is a give and take relationship. No one should go into marriage thinking that their spouse will do everything for them. Marriage is about teamwork and freely giving service to the person you care about. No one benefits in the relationship from being selfish.
Remember that it is important to clearly define each step. Your relationship should have imaginary stairs not a imaginary slide. I wish you the best in your journey and hope these steps help you in your dating experience.
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